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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a friend ask where I had purchased a gift so she could return it. When she learned the store wasn’t in her area, she asked if I would return it for her.
It wasn’t the wrong size, and she didn’t already have one. I genuinely thought she would like it, and my feelings were hurt.
When giving gifts, I try to give something that I think the person will like. When receiving a gift, even if it isn’t what I would have chosen for myself, I always thank the person and make a point to try to really enjoy it.
Gift receipts are great, but not all stores offer them. For this person, I guess I’ll be buying gift certificates in the future. But really, gift-giving isn’t a financial exchange; it’s the happy thoughts that matter, isn’t it?
GENTLE READER: Well, it was. Nowadays, many people seem to think it is an opportunity to order things without having to pay for them, and being able to return them if they do not suit.
A gift certificate is not what Miss Manners would suggest on the next occasion for getting this ungrateful person a present. Rather, it would be a letter humbly acknowledging that your guesses at pleasing your friend have failed, so you can only send your warmest wishes.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I host a dinner party and a guest presents me with a bottle of wine upon arrival, am I to assume this is a gift for later, or an offering for the dinner that evening?
Do I open it and present it as a beverage option along with the wine(s) I’ve selected for the meal, or do I set it to the side for a future use?
GENTLE READER: Time was, bringing a bottle of wine to a dinner party was considered somewhat insulting, as if the guest could not count on the host to serve a decent wine.
For all Miss Manners knows, that may still motivate some guests, although the practice has become common to the point of being unexceptionable.
Nevertheless, it should be considered a present and not a contribution to the meal. It may not be a good choice with the food being served, for one thing. And typically, people bring one bottle — which is fine for a present, but may not be enough to serve the number of guests.
So the answer is that you may serve it if you like, but are not obligated to do so — in which case, add to your thanks that you will look forward to enjoying it later.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is a text acknowledgement required for birthday or anniversary cards received in the mail? My parents always send me a text thanking me for cards, and expect me to do the same. I thought thank-you notes were only required for gifts.
GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not require thanks for cards unless they contain personal letters. Your parents, however, do. Miss Manners would consider it the wiser course to go with your parents’ wishes rather than argue with them about rules.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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